Wednesday, September 2, 2009

I can't control my heart rate, I've got a cougar on me!


There is a cougar on the loose in the city of Seattle. If that isn't awesome then I don't know what is. It's been spotted in the Magnolia area, a neighborhood I grew up in.

Now most people who've never been to Seattle might think the entire city is 90 percent rainforest and that cougars are everywhere. Really it's the only explanation for all the flannel, right? Well that's not completely accurate. In the 6 years I lived in the Magnolia neighborhood I probably only saw about 4 or 5 cougars. Way less than I saw in the 10 years I lived in Ballard.

The important question here is should we start to panic or is this overblown nonsense like the swine flu? Here's what the Department of Wildlife has to say;
Cougar attacks on humans are extremely rare. In North America, roughly 25fatalities and 95 nonfatal attacks have been reported during the past 100 years. However, more cougar attacks have been reported in the western United States and Canada over the past 20 years than in the previous 80. In Washington, of the one fatal and fifteen nonfatal attacks reported here in the past 100 years, seven attacks occurred during the 1990s. A high percentage of cougars attacking domestic animals or people are one-to two-year-old cougars that have become independent of their mothers.

You read that? Cougar attacks are becoming more and more common. Really how long is it until we're at war with the cougars? This whole time I've been preparing for zombies but I've been ignoring the pending Cougapocalypse. I'm going to have to start expanding my zombie plan. When the cougars attack no amount of mountain dew is going to save my family.... or is it?

3 comments:

B said...

No worries dude, soon you'll be pushing a stroller or holding a diaper bag, instant cougar repellant.

kevin n. on September 2, 2009 at 10:32 PM said...

yeah but I'm getting a super manly diaper bag, one with cammo or diamond plate on it.

Aaron said...

Just get a bike messenger bag like I have. They work great and you just look hip/trendy rather than sad/fatherly.

Also, I have worked in a lot of houses in Magnolia. I swear, every other one is a cougar den. Lots of money and widows on that hill.

What if they attacks come from zombie cougars? WTF am I supposed to do then???

 

Tags

90210 advertising wizards alien amazon anne hathaway arkham city art awesome parenting awesome tv shows bad ideas bad ideas? batman battlefield 3 Beastie Boys bioshock boobs books call of duty captain america cars cartoons cats catwoman cheerleaders christmas colbert report comic-con comics commercials community computer games computers conan o'brien cosplay crazy people cute animals cute kids deadpool diablo III dinosaurs diora baird disney doctor who dogs dungeons and dragons e3 espn failure fake trailers food funny things futurama game of thrones george lucas gi joe google gratuitous use of babes guns half life 2 halloween hard ticket to hawaii harry potter hbo hip-hop horrible tv shows I'm out of ideas idiots internet meme iron man it's always sunny in philadelphia japan is awesome jersey shore Jimmy Fallon justified kevin smith legos lingerie football links lists local news lord of the rings lost marvel math mc chris megan fox michael Bay michael jackson monkeys movies music nbc nerdcore nerdery nerds nfl ninjas nintendo obama old computers olivia munn parks and rec people that need to shut it pin-ups piranha 3d pirates planet of the apes playboy playstaytion politics poor decisions porn prometheus prostitution? protesters random picture random simpsons reference red dead redemption robots ron swanson rumors sad nerds science seattle seinfeld sharks snow soccer spider-man star blazers star trek star wars super mario bros superman the apocalypse the avengers the blurst of times the daily show the future the interwebs the muppet show the simpsons the walking dead thor tmnt top gear total recall transformers tron tumblr tv shows twitter usmnt video games wags watchmen wish list wolverine wonder woman world cup wrestling x-box x-men xbox live zombies

DevilDinosaur: classic geek Copyright © 2012 Community is Designed by Sacha Blogger Template

CSS done by Link building